For once I would like a rapper to write a song appreciating big breast. Big booties have gotten all the shine for decades. I happen to have large breast and an average to small booty, especially for a black girl. I shake what my Momma gave me but honestly she didn’t give me much. Nevertheless, I love songs glorifying large hind parts like most folks. From “Baby got back” to “Back that Ass up”, to the recent stripper anthems that make working a pole seem glorious. “Shake that Monkey” by Too Short is my all-time favorite ass anthem. As soon as the beat drops, without thinking I begin to pop by booty. I experience automatic gyration. And if “She got a Donk” come on…Clear the floor.
As a woman who has had triple D titties since middle school I have largely felt underappreciated by the booty shaking music that has dominated every dance, wedding reception, cookout and club outing I have enjoyed my entire life. I know women pay to have large breast but the shit ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. First they are heavy. Second a good bra is expensive yet mandatory. I do not have run into Target and buy a bra breast. Victoria can’t keep these secretes. I have department store bra breast. I have “We only sell your size online” kind of knockers. My bras are for utility. I have to prioritize support and comfort over cute and sexy. I was 32 years old before I owned a bra that wasn’t white, black or beige. Once I discovered and online outlet that sold colored large sized bras, I had to tell all my large chested friends. And gleefully relish in their jealousy. “You got a purple bra?!!!” “Blue too!!” Yup!! It’s sad actually. Then you add the back pain. If I sleep too many consecutive nights without a bra on, there will be some discomfort. Buying button up shirts and blazer is a hassle. Working out without a sport’s bra can end in a black eye and tons of stares. Like I said shit ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. That is why big breasted girls deserve an anthem.
We need an anthem. Not a line or a catchy play on words like tig ol bitties (Thank you R. Kelly or the Ying Yang Twins). Not a song about ass with titties getting honorable mention. An anthem!! Give us our due respect. We carry a heavy load. For once I would like to turn on the radio or go to the club and hear some mediocre rhymes over a Metro Booming beat glorify massive mammaries. Can I get a giggle for big jugs? What about a shake them titties hoe? Even a busty bust it open for a real one. There is something about being objectified over a dope beat that is strangely validating. I am aware that girls with big butts have their struggles too. Gaps in their jeans, gawkers and unwanted commits, it can be hard out here for all women. The struggle is real. I just think it would be more manageable for us blessed in the chest ladies if we had theme music.